Title: A Beautiful Mind

Gender: Female

Age: Ageless

Sun Sign: Cancer

Chinese Sign: Metal Tiger

Location: slightly north of Atlanta, GA

My formal name is Julieann. People who really know, love and appreciate me, call me Juicy, my childhood name. Anyone who is uncomfortable with my name can stay far, far away from me. I have a beautiful mind that I guard as fervently as my children and their minds. I got this wonderful name from climbing my parent's huge mango tree in the back yard in South Florida, where I grew up from the age of five.

I was always climbing the tree and eating mangos even though it made my mother mad. She just didn't understand. When I came in the house she would look at me and ask me if I had been in the tree again. I would shake my head “no” and then she would march me to the mirror and make me look at my reflection. Sticky mango juice all over my face, in my hair and all over my clothes. Busted.

My father started to slice them in a bowl and leave them in the refrig so I wouldn't be tempted. You know what they say about the forbidden fruit and all.  The temptation was too great.  To me…nothing in the world is better than sitting on a high branch, where no one can see you and eating a mango.  A half century later…nothing is better.

The little girl across the street always called “Hi Juicy!” because she couldn't pronounce Julie even though I constantly corrected her.  My father said to leave her alone because that name fit me. He said I was like a fruit that never runs out of juice. Hmmmm…I think he meant that as a compliment…  

When I was a month old, we moved from Miami Beach to live in Casablanca, Africa.  During those years, I learned how to communicate through eyes. My Morocan governess, could not speak English and only spoke Arabic and French. When she took me to the park to feed the swans, she spoke through her eyes since she was veiled from head to toe.

My most distinct memory is coming into our home on the Naval base and she let me unsnap her veil and then her big toothy smile with her gold tooth sent me into squeals of giggles, followed with hers because I wanted to touch this beautiful shiny gold tooth that was so tempting. I was very adored by her and my parents.

My father was a Captain in the Navy. My father was my hero. He was a hurricane specialist. He was instrumental in naming the hurricanes with women's names on them. Hmmmm…that was shortly after I was born…hmmmm… okay what's that agreement? Don't take things personally. Okay

He said women were just as unpredictable and damaging as hurricanes and you had to look for the signs when a storm was a brewing. He set out to raise a perfect woman who was feminine and thought like a man with logic and good sense. Emotions were not accepted and were a sign of weakness. He is dead now. I miss him. I must say he did raise a “perfect woman” because I think emotions are beautiful and I love emotional people who really care about people and the world we live in and do something about it.  

I am a professional photographer and have a large range of subjects. I am probably best known for my horse pictures. 

Kipling once wrote “Four powers greater than all powers that be “men and war and women and horses.” The horse is a spiritual healer for women,men, children, the afllicted and challenged. I have studied and photographed this connection for a long time. One of those beautiful mysteries.

The horse represents freedom to me. At a particular time in my life, the horse was the only thing I could control by my voice, touch, the pressure from my body, and stroking it's powerful neck. It's amazing what touch and voice can do for a horse. Frustrates me that people don't know how to touch each other or how to talk to each other when one is suffering. I have a profound sadness for injustice. Was born with a crusader's heart and find people very lazy about taking action against injustice.

I am in the process of making two independent films. A unique one about horses. It's from the horse's point of view. The other on “What is Power?” I am obsessed with what people will do or become to have power. When I started my personal journey, I took on groups that seemed powerful to the world. Polo, Fox Hunting, wealthy people, new money, old money, dog owners, land owners, religious leaders etc etc.

I had a very powerful father. He had the biggest influence in formulating my young mind. He was almost 40 when he had me and spent lots of time with me. His approval was everything to me. Even though he is dead now, I still crave his approval like a drug. Like a drug,  it is damaging to me. Sometimes I am gratefuI and other times I curse him.

I married two powerful and dangerous men. Dangerous physically and emotionally.The first one died after seven years and was physically abusive. He liked to terrorize me with guns and threats. He was a tortured soul. I thought my love could reach his darkness but it doesn't work like that. We lived on a large farm. 5000 acres. Lots of horses, cows, dogs and lakes. I rode my horse to the deepest part of the farm and only there, did I scream my pain out. I screamed for God to help me and to rescue me.

I was twenty-four when he died in a horrible tragedy. I couldn't absorb it and someone took me to a church where they thought the minisiter could help me.  I went into a group that I thought was safe after all the trauma. It was the largest Fundamental Presb Church in America. The preacher asked me to pray a prayer, repeating his words. I was more concerned that I would say it right because I can screw up “Row row row your boat” and after I said this pray, the preacher smiled big and gave me a tight embrace and said “Welcome to the family of God!” I was thinking “What the hell does that mean? I”m already a member of God's family” and he started to walk me down the hall telling everyone that Julieann just became a Born Again.”

Before I knew it, I was being swarmed by all these people crying and telling me they were my brothers and sisters. I must be very honest about this conversion. It was creepy. It seemed like a twilight zone episode. I must say ithat prayer changed my life. It brought more danger and entrapment.

Twenty-three years of hell here on earth. The only thing that came out of it that was good was the fact that I have credit in the bank as far as a witness to a movement that uses the name of Jesus to manipulate and control for their OWN power. The missing ingredient is LOVE. They don't know what the hell LOVE means.

In the beginning, I was vulnerable and naive. I thought LOVE was what I was drawn to but it was acceptance. Three years later I married a Fundamental minister. Yep…I was a preacher's wife. I was not allowed to use my nickname, Juicy. I was told it was a vulgar name. This should have been a sign.

My second husband used the Bible for his choice of weapon and used scripture to manipulate and control.We were married for 18 years. One of his “gifts” was demonizations. He performed excorcisms and they were violent and terrorized me.

This experience of being in the midst of these powerful fundamentalists for 22 years was very detrimental to my beautiful mind and my five childrens. I have spent lots of time with my children and have encouraged them to be free thinkers, book readers, creative and to pave their own paths. All of them are painters, photographers, gardners and just all around nice people. So far, I do not attend any kind of religious groups but am a member of an all black congregation in a little town in Georgia, which is far away from where I live.  

I have been deprogramming myself for ten years and some think I have gone a little too far to the left. The congregation or ” tribe “, who shunned me, would be aghast that I joined Zaadz. I joined Zaadz because I am free to say what I believe and being free is all that matters to me.

After  I raised my five children, I sold the big house, paid all the bills and moved out to the country to live a simplistic life and to find out who I really was and what I thought. I rent a little cottage that some would say is primitive but most say its magical.  I had a 10,000 piece puzzle to put together that had somehow fallen on my head, gray side up, about forty years ago.  I think I have just about put it together. The picture is forming. I am seeing TRUTH from my own 
observations. As Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.” 

I have Glaucoma and have had seven eye surgeries to save my eyes. The big risky ones were done exactly a year ago in January and February. It didn't go as I hoped it would and my eye pressure dropped from the 50's to zero for many many months.

I had to leave the farm and stay with someone I didn't know very well, in a tiny dark place with two dogs.  I had to use my mind to sustain me.It was so hard. I thought at times I would go insane because I am so damn independent and I had to trust it was temporary. I couldn't read, I couldn't ride my horse, I couldn't go to the gym to work out. I just cleaned and walked the dogs to the park nearby with my dark sunglasses on. The Light cause me great pain. Light always has brought healing so I was in a spiritual quantuary. Little did I know it would be the biggest growth period in my life. I discovered so much about me, about trusting people and most of all, trusting myself.

I discovered I have a strong Third Eye and all the mysteries of what has been written about it. Just like being in the middle of the fundamentalist, I was blinded. I discovered that there is another way of being. Another Light I would never have stumbled upon unless I witnessed it, touched it, felt it.  I kept photographing and filming, even though I couldn't see the subjects clearly. Somehow the blur shows the energy more.

It has been a long recovery and I can see better and some would say I am permanently disabled. I am more whole and connected because of it. I have been given a gift that few have. My awareness has reached heights I wouldn't have had without this journey into the dark forest and learning how to thrive there until I have found the path that leads to the beautiful meadow where no one is blind and all see.

All the images I load up bear witness to my journey. They tell my story. A survey was given, asking people what their two greatest fears were and they were. The answers were dying and going blind. I find this interesting. To me, the biggest fear is regretting that you DID NOT see when you were given eyes and NOT LOVING when you given a heart.

I have no agendas in joining Zaadz. I just want to find and connect with others who chose to walk the path of SIGHT and TRUTH and are aroused to make this deadened planet a more juicy one. We are the pulp.

To the Glory of Life…
Juicy

Member Since: Thursday, August 03 2006

Last Visit: 3 days ago.

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